Q12: Do you have plans for any future collections? If so, who do you have in mind to bring up and what other topics would you like to discuss?

SA: I’m working on a new thing, which is more like a single-topic narrative. But my Corporate Masters have instructed me not to talk about it, because it’s still just a wee hatchling and may never grow into a giant Redwood of Obnoxious Prose.

Unfortunately, this is the last of the Q&A with Steve, but if you have any burning questions, definitely go over to his website, stevenalmond.com, and ask. I'm sure he'll answer!

Q10: Even though your reality television bit on candy didn’t air on VH1’s Totally Obsessed, have you ever watched the show?

SA: I saw the promos in some hotel room with my wife and it was, like, heartbreaking. They made these folks look like such freaks. And the whole thing was so contrived. There was some guy who had gotten all this plastic surgery to make himself look like a cat (“He’s a catman!”) and some other lady who treated her pet geese like children, sitting them around a fancy table for meals and such. They should have just been honest about the show and called it “Total Freaks.” Maybe it would have lasted longer.

Q8: For all of our avid Oakland A’s fans, how do you feel about McGuire taking steroids and especially Canseco’s book about him and others “juicing” up?

SA: First things first: It’s McGwire. As for the steroid issue, I’m happy to offer a rant (not that you asked). First: I remember watching McGwire his rookie year. He was a big, tall kid, but suprisingly lanky. Later, after he got all puffed up, I remember looking at his dainty little ankles and thinking: man, how do those things support all that meat? If he was doing ‘roids, he should admit it. He should admit he needed drugs to bop all those homers, not just his natural talents. So should Bonds and the rest of them. They owe that not to the fans, but to the players who don’t do ‘roids. It’s always sad to see folks lying in public. The reason people get so upset about the ‘roids thing, aside from the lying, is that it violates our notion that sports is the last true meritocracy in America. We want to believe that greatness exists, and affiliate ourselves with that greatness. And we get upset when that sense of greatness is tainted.

On the other hand, I don’t exactly blame them for juicing up, given the obscene disparities in pay between a major leaguer and a minor leaguer. Think about it: if you’re a poor young kid with no other real economic prospects and a deep jones to be the best and, like, 40 relatives counting on you to score that 40 million dollar contract, and you can do all this simply by popping a few “enhancing” pills, who’s going say no? I’m sure I wouldn’t. So it’s a function of late-model capitalism, as well as individual greed for glory. And the way America is, they create these huge inducements for people to cheat – in every field, not just sports – so people continue to cheat.